HSP's life - a day in the office
Hi Friends,
Today I wanted to talk to you about Highly Sensitive People and their Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) trait.
The Highly Sensitivity Personality trait has been discovered by Dr Elaine N. Aron in the ‘90s. It’s not a pathological personality trait but it rather describes a group of people whose brains process all information very deeply, including emotions, thoughts and sensory input. This makes them more physically sensitive and emotionally sensitive than other people.
The DOES acronym describes the key foundations of HSP traits and helps to better understand what attributes they possess.
"D" stands for Depth of Processing - as they tend to process stimuli on a deeper level than average. Researchers have found that they use more parts of their brain related to the task of processing and noticing subtleties.
"O" is for Overstimulation - HSP are more easily stressed by loud noise, chaotic situations, deadlines and large social groups. This happens as they process info deeply and therefore when they are constantly exposed to a lot of stimuli they tend to struggle to focus - for example difficulty to follow a conversation while walking in a busy, loud street. For this reason, these situations often drain their energy and then they will need more downtime to rest and recharge than an average person.
"E" is for Emotional Reactivity, as HSPs often “feel” what others are feeling, beyond normal empathy. In fact, researchers report that the empathic areas of the brains of HSP are more active than those of an average person, when for example they view pictures of their loved ones, or even emotional pictures in general.
"S" is for Sensing the Subtle, at the heart of this personality trait is the ability to perceive subtleties in any situation. HSP can easily spot on emotions and mood changes of a person, by getting constant information from non-verbal cues of the people around them.
So with that being said, you can imagine that life can be difficult at times. As an HSP myself, I can tell you that, after 2 years of lockdown, I found it really difficult to socialize during a normal day-to-day work. What I struggled the most was in particular engaging in "small talks" with colleagues. First, because HSP has an affinity for the rich experiences of life and talking about anything that has a deep meaning. This is why, talking about the weather, our daily jobs, or the last new restaurant you've tried in town it can often feel a bit flat and dull. This also made me feel nervous, because often I didn't know what to say, creating embarrassing silences, where the other person would look at me like "are you gonna say something or what?". In the meantime, on the other side there was me, with my mind that went blank, since I was trying to think of something funny/interesting to say, avoiding to look awkward or boring.
After these embarrassing moments, what often happened is that I’d start to replay over and over the conversation that I had, thinking about all the gaffes I made and how I was perceived by my co-workers.
So then I'd start to feel anxious and overwhelmed, which generally happens when our body feels unsafe and on edge. With time, I learned that there are few things I can do to regulate myself in these circumstances:
I can temporarily remove myself from the situation by going to the toilet, having some cold water running on my hands and wrists - since cold water helps to ground your body and brings you back to the present moment.
Afterwards I would also take 5/6 deep breaths, where the exhale tends to be really slow - in this way you stimulate the vagus nerve, which activates your relaxation response, reducing your heart rate and blood pressure and lowering stress levels.
If while I'm talking with someone I start to feel anxious, I tend to focus on my body and what I'm experiencing - as this tends to help me to be more aware in advance when I start to feel dysregulated. I noticed that rubbing gently my legs or changing position helps to sooth me in the moment. Since this helps to get out of my head and focus on what's really going on around me.
I have the impression that nowadays, in such a high pace and disconnected society, people tend to struggle to move deeper than a small talk, often remaining on a surface level; which doesn't make it easy to create meaningful relationships. At the same time, although like most HSP, I'm not a big fan of small talk; it's important to remember that this could be the first step to break the ice and create a more meaningful connection with someone. After a little bit, while we're chatting with someone, we might even realize that we have a lot in common with the person in front of us.
So, rather than considering small talk a barrier to communicate with other people, why don't we use our sensitivity to bring more warmth and safety while interacting with others, with the aim to break down the small talk barriers and create more meaningful and deep connections?!?
I'd love to hear your thoughts about it.
With Love,